Diaper Training
by LittLetriXta
Summary: After a few misconceptions, Ash recieves sudden parental duties, and as suspected. . . screws up terribly. That is unless a few unwilling friends can help him...
1. The Godfather Would Know What To Do

  
  
  
  
  
Diaper Training  
  
  
  
Author: LittleTrixta  
  
  
  
Author: Okay, I think we've pretty much all gone through the trials and tribulations that can along with babysitting, (If not witnessed it from the corner, smirking and sipping your juice box in thankful glory that your sister was forced into it first . . . Okay maybe that was just me.)   
  
  
*ahem* BUT DON'T GET ME WRONG! I love babies . . . Not in a Lifetime, starved child-loving psycho kind of way. . . But well. I don't need any excuses why I wrote this! I am the author! So I have the power. . . BAH!   
  
  
  
  
. . . ANYWAY. This story is dedicated to that. And I hope you all enjoy yourselves as we sit back and watch Ash suffer. . . As we so often enjoy doing! ^_^ (Okay, maybe that's just me again. -.-;;;)   
  
  
  
  
  
ON WITH THE STORY!!  
  
  
  
  
Diaper Training  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"Are you sure you can remember all that, Ash?"   
  
  
After nearly six minutes of baby priorities and such, Ash found himself drawing a large blank, in the white empty space called his brain. Ash scratched his head and looked pleadingly toward the baby bound to it's carrier beside him, hoping by chance it had soaked up any information Ash managed to miss. (Which was basically everything.)   
  
  
"Uhh. . . Yea." Ash replied weakly as his cousin Pete and his wife Diana gave eatchother curious glances.   
  
  
"Um. . . Well, okay then! You know where to reach us." Diana said reaching over to hand the baby its rattler and kiss him goodbye. "Right. . ." Ash muttered as Diana gave him a momentary glance, gripped her husbands hand, and looked over to her baby, while trying to shake off the images of it mouthing the words "Take-Me-With-You!".  
  
  
Ash sighed as he showed Diana and Pete to the door. He had had the sad impression that being a Godfather would be something more along the lines of having a high ranking superiority above others, and a cool nickname like "He- The- Almighty- Guy- With - High- Superiority- Above- Others."   
  
  
But no. He was stuck taking care of this, this thing. This strange little pink thing that kept . . . staring at him. Wasn't there anything else that it did!  
  
  
And before Ash had the chance to react, Ash's question was answered when a few moments later, a strange stench began to fill the room, and Ash realized that there in fact were other things babies could do. . .   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
It had now been almost an hour since Ash was left in the company of his nephew and he had already been thrown up on once, peed on twice, and seen things he thought could never come out of a just one baby.   
  
  
If he thought Pokemon training was hard, babysitting was like the military. . in the rain. . . without tents.   
  
  
  
Ash sighed, as he had finally managed to get a break while Pikachu and Bayleef were in the corner trying to determine if the bottle of milk was too hot or too cold.   
  
  
This was a lot harder then he had thought, and it was obvious by the baby being partially covered in paper towel, wrapped up in cellophane, as some kind of alternative to a diaper, that he needed some serious help, fast.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"No way."   
  
  
"Come on! Just for a while. Your good with kids, right?"   
  
  
"Yes, and I've had enough screaming, crying, arguing, hair pulling, kick me in the shins, kids I could handle to last me a lifetime. Now it's your turn. Did you try Misty?" Brock suggested, wondering why Ash hadn't bothered to go for the obvious option.  
  
  
""No, b'coz I'm thinking she wouldn't really be up for doing me favors right now." Ash said gaining a sulky expression as the memory of his last encounter with Misty was an unfortunate blow to the face. (Literally, seeing as how she gave him enough blows with her psycho-lady mallet so that he could feel it for weeks to follow.)   
  
  
"Oh?" Questioned Brock, who had the feeling that a long dragging story involving Ash doing something stupid and Misty beating him up a couple times, was soon to follow.   
  
  
"Yea. She's kinda pissed at me, after I sort of. . . accidentally. . . completely not on purpose. . . set half her kitchen on fire." Ash ended scratching his neck, and grinning sheepishly.  
  
  
"Oh, yes." Brock said feeling familiar urges to smile rising in his nerves as he remembered quite clearly the aftermath of Misty's return home from work that day. "I DO recall the dreaded 'INCIDENT'."   
  
  
"What were you doing in her kitchen anyway?" Brock asked, his senses now replaced with a sudden curiosity.  
  
  
"I was cooking her something, to try and make up for taping over one of her stupid romance movies with Pokemon Battle Nationals.  
  
  
And so, I can't ask her, and I can't ask Tracy because he's got an Oak thing to take care of, and even getting near Misty is out of the question, so that's where you come in. And I really don't know anything about babies! Which is exactly why I need you to help me. I'm an only child! I mean, what if it tries to pee again!"   
  
  
"Well they do do that more then once, you know." Ash frowned. "So let me try to understand this. You can't ask Misty because you set her kitchen on fire making up for something stupid you did, only managing to do something stupid in the process?" Ash, nodded his head feebly over the mixed reception of the videophone. "I'm sorry to say this man, but I feel a good amount of pity for you right now."   
  
  
Ash sighed.   
  
  
"Sorry, Ash, but your on your own! I would, but I have other plans." Brock said matter-of-factly, feeling that his choice of words was as far necessary as he had to go in order to explain to Ash that he was busy. 'Besides,' Brock thought to himself, 'I don't want to.'  
  
  
Brock could feel the mounds of questions arising as he saw Ash's suddenly anxious expression, mixed with confusion, and slight disbelief come in view.  
  
  
"Plans? What plans?"   
  
  
"I . . I have a date." Brock muttered, growing quieter toward the end of his sentence. So his original intention of keeping his plans discrete, and making sure Ash didn't go blabbing to the others that he was back on the market was lost in under six seconds of airtime. . . at least he still had his dignity.   
  
  
"_You_. . . Have a date?" Ash asked feeling the corners of his lips grow into a curl, and completely forgetting the original topic of the phone call.   
  
  
"YES. Is that so hard to believe! I'm twenty three, Dammit! I am a grown man! With, with needs!"   
  
  
Okay, so the dignity was lost too.   
  
  
"Yea. Ok." Ash muttered, having heard the same line for the past six years. "So, who is she?"   
  
  
"You don't know her. Just, this girl from work."  
  
  
"We work at the same place, Brock."   
  
  
"Oh, so just 'coz your "Mister Somebody Big Shot Pokemon Master" you automatically just know everyone?"   
  
  
"Well, NO. But I might know her! So tell me her name!"   
  
  
"Okay fine, it's Rachel. How did we even get to this, anyway? I thought we were talking about you trying to get me to do something for you and me having plans. By the way, who's watching the baby while you're on the phone?"  
  
  
"Uh, oh. . ." Brock took the sudden disappearance of Ash, a clear view of the back of Ash's living room, where Pikachu was wrestling his Nintendo, a rustle in the background, and a sudden yell of "NO! DON'T TOUCH THAT!" a crash and "Aw. . . I said not to touch that!" as a sign that their conversation was over.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"I know what I'm doing Pikachu. It says here, to mix contents with pork." Ash furrowed his brow and looked again at the little instruction sheet before folding it over and shoving it in the pocket of his jeans, then moving to the refrigerator to check for anything remotely pork looking.   
  
  
Ash tapped his foot as he looked over the contents of his fridge and turned to glare at Pickachu who had managed to attach an "I'M WITH STUPID." sign to the baby's carrier.   
  
  
Ash let out a heavy sigh before running his fingers through his hair in frustration. Apparently the instructions said he needed pork, and pork was what he was going to get. And the only way to do that was to do something he had not attempted for the past six weeks, as he figured, with the cash he had left, saltine crackers and water could keep him alive for at least three more days.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"Averson's Grocery store is having a 15% off sale for all cheesy items. Please bring all cheesy items to the checkout stands and claim that they are in fact cheesy items to recieve your fifteen % discount. Thank you." Said the rather dull and unhappy voice ringing throughout the isles of Averson's Grocery store.   
  
  
"This is insane." Ash said while mosying along through the frozen food section of Averson's ever so quickly before the baby attempted to add another deposit to his diaper, which would force Ash to declare a stink bomb throughout the store and all of Averson's would be forced to evacuate.  
  
  
"It should not be this hard to find plain pork. It's either beef, pork, or chicken. Why do they have to make things so difficult." Ash absentmindedly said to a slab of packaged . . . internal stuff, before tossing it back into the meat case. During his five minute exploration through the meat section, he had seen more animal parts scattered about then on a national geographic preditor vs. prey special.   
  
  
Not that he watched that sort of stuff. . .  
  
  
'Maybe this is why they don't let Pokemon in the store. . .' Ash thought '. . . It's like a massacre.'  
  
  
Ash felt himself grin. He knew Misty would be impressed to hear he knew such a smart word. Disturbing. But, smart.   
  
  
Ash heard a small sigh erupt from the cart and looked over to the baby who appeared to have this "You really have no idea what you're doing." mock look about him, as he sat staring at him for what Ash felt like was the hundredth time that afternoon.   
  
  
"I know, I know. We're just going to have to try and get used to eatchother,  
okay?" The baby opened its mouth to reveal two teeth and a mouthful of drool, and Ash took that as a 'yes'.   
  
  
After finally getting what he needed, Ash moved over to the condiments isle to grab Pikachu a bottle of ketchup that he had promised to grab for him when he left.   
  
  
And halfway down the isle, past the mustard and before the mayo he had spotted a very familiar head of fiery orange locks in red shorts and an enlarged white t-shirt, staring down at a can of relish. . .  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Misty quirked a brow at her grocery clueless, prone to water and saltine crackers, friend and tapped her foot, while crossing both arms to signify that she only had so much patience left in her.   
  
  
"Ash," Misty began, while Ash stood stiffly, hoping she didn't pay too much attention to his cart. "Is there something your not telling me?" Misty eyed, one hand gripping the relish, the other pointing toward the baby.   
  
  
"Uh, you see. . ." Ash began, not really knowing where he was headed. "I-it's not mines! It's uh, someone else's. . ."Ash stammered.  
  
  
"Well yea, I kind of figured." Misty smiled, noting Ash's nervousness. "Babysitting?"   
  
  
"Er. . . Yea. You noticed, did yah?" Ash asked stupidly, while Misty shot him a blank stare. "Well, uh. I guess I outta just go and ask you, now that it's out in the open and everything."  
  
  
"Ask me?" Ash nodded, and Misty was slightly confused.  
  
  
"Yea. Well, yah see, I don't really know nothing about taking care of babies, so I was kind of wondering if you'd. . ." Misty's eyes widened, and Ash was cut short mid-sentence.   
  
  
"Ooh, no. There's _no_ way I'm doing any favors for you! Have you forgotten already, Ash? A particular FRYING incident?"   
  
  
"Well, yah, but . . ."   
  
  
"I'm STILL trying to shave the burnt tiles off my kitchen surface!" Ash winced, as Misty's voice grew louder, causing the curly red-headed woman, down the isle to urge her son to stop staring at the "angry couple".   
  
  
"I said I was sorry! Here, how about I make it up to you by cooking you din-" It was either something internal, or the bitter look on Misty's face that told Ash not to finish that sentence if he wanted to live.   
  
  
"Come on Mist! One little favor, pleeeeaaase??" Ash pleaded, grabbing Misty by the hands and kneeling in such a way that made a nearby bearded man whisper to a woman "Oh, look a proposal." And Ash's eyes bulged.   
  
  
"One little favor?_ This_ coming from the boy who refused to run out and get me some cranberry juice when I had that, that. . . problem."   
  
  
"But, we're best friends! Best friends are supposed to do help-ish stuff. . . right?"  
  
  
"Are you serious." Misty muttered, narrowing her eyes.   
  
  
"Yes! I'm in serious need of help here!" Ash urged.  
  
  
"Gee, I feel so sorry for you." Misty replied, sarcasm seeping through her deathly gaze.   
  
  
Ash frowned. She was still mad at him. Well, any primeape in its partially right mind could see that. But, the real question was, how would he get her to soften up and agree to help him.   
  
  
From the corner of his eye, Ash saw a small movement and his eyes positioned on the baby. Something clicked in Ash's brain, because he suddenly had the perfect plan to lure Misty into an afternoon of diaper changing.   
  
  
Ash quickly swept up the baby and held him up in front of Misty.   
  
  
"Ash, what're you doing? If you think for one second that you can sugar me up into falling in love with this baby, then you're wrong." Misty attempted to shut one of her eyelids and back away in protest, but faltered.  
  
  
"Come on, Misty. Do you honestly want to say no to such a cute face like this?" Ash crammed on.   
  
  
The baby stared at Misty for a moment, coo-d, then reached both arms out for her, as Ash grinned while continuing to hold up the baby, knowing that his plan was working by the weak look on Misty's face.  
  
  
"Ogh! This is ridiculous. It's not working Ash so just give up while your still-  
  
  
The baby smiled and revealed only one sad little tooth.   
  
  
Misty looked toward Ash who was attempting to mirror the baby's expression, and shook her head.   
  
  
"You're a real jerk for getting me while I'm so comfortable with being mad at you, you know that." Misty said finally before taking the baby in her own arms and setting him down back in his carrier.   
  
  
Ash gave a sly grin and took hold of his cart. "Face it Misty. I am just _too_ lovable to stay mad at."   
  
  
Misty smirked as she moved over to her own cart and followed behind. "Yea, right. Don't think I'm doing this for you Ash. I'm still mad at you, you know. I'm just thinking about the baby. I whole day with only you to tend to him? I'd want help from me too."   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
End Part One  
  
  
Authors Note: Well. That's part one. This'll be two parts by the way. I hope. Oh, and don't ask me where I got "Diana" and "Pete". It was impulse naming. . .  
  
  
Part Two: More peeing, more diapers, more usual baby stuff. . . 'cept with Misty and some wide range confusion. O.o  
  
  
That outta' be fun.   
  
  
Oh yeah. In the next part we'll find out the baby's name (hint: It will definitely be neither "Diana" nor "Pete". . . If we're lucky. Coz, that baby would get some _serious_ arse kicking in high school for being male and having the name Diana. O.O)   
  
  
Also, we'll get to see what Ash does with that pork. ::more wide staring::   
  
  
  
TA TA!   
  
-Trix  



	2. Oh, To Have Peas On Earth

  
  
Diaper Training  
  
  
  
Author: LittleTrixta  
  
  
  
Author: O-kay. Here's part two. Haha.   
  
  
  
Nuff said! ^_^  
  
  
(To Dragoness: Hah. ::smiles sheepishly:: You know, I honestly didn't notice the whole tooth thing until you mentioned something. Shows how good of a self checker I am . .   
  
Weeeelll. . .for the sake of the story, let's just say the stress of Ash's sudden responsibilities have caused him to have double vision. THERE! Problem solved. Eh. o.O)   
  
  
  
Diaper Training: Part Two - "Oh, To Have Peas On Earth"  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Maybe it was the overwhelming aroma of pee that filled the living room . . .   
  
  
  
. . . maybe it was the lovely green puke stains that covered her shirt . . .   
  
  
  
. . .Or maybe, just maybe, it was the fact that she had been left with diaper  
changing duties while Ash calmly excused himself to the bathroom,  
  
  
  
. . . or to feed the Pokemon,   
  
. . . or to mow the lawn.  
  
  
  
But whatever the reason, Misty was just about sure that the cute baby she had seen in the grocery store was now a screaming, crying, peeing beastie that she'd been suckered into looking after while Ash lazed himself around the house, completely ignoring his obligations as godfather. And if he didn't start helping her out,. . . she would kill him. If not paralyze certain body organs for a couple days.   
  
  
  
"Ash!", Misty who decided she had had enough stood in front of the television Ash had been staring at for the past half hour with the baby in one arm, and her mallet in the other. "You've barely done anything since I got here! Are you going to help out, or am I going to have to make you!!" Misty waved the mallet around exercising her wrist motion for any upcoming need to start hammering.   
  
  
"Hey! You're blocking the TV!"  
  
  
"That's sort of the point I'm trying to make here Ash! All you've done was stare at this thing!"  
  
  
"Hey, I helped." Ash answered while idly sipping at the edge of his soda can and trying to focus more on the battle happening on his television and less on the thick wooden mallet swinging warningly beside Misty.   
  
  
"HOW exactly?"   
  
  
"I . . ." Ash said stopping to think of something he might've done that was remotely helpful. Naturally, he failed, but decided that he would much rather think less about something he could've done, and focus his attention more on the television and the roasted peanuts Pikachu had provided as a pre-match snack.   
  
  
Misty's face turned red, and not in the way that Ash usually laughed at her for when she accidentally ate something with peppers in it, or when they watched something romantic that she usually had to force him to sit down for.   
  
  
"You think I LIKE having mashed pees and carrots regurgitated onto me?"   
  
  
"Uh. . ." Ash didn't know whether or not she was really asking him or if she was just being sarcastic.  
  
  
"Ash! I don't HAVE to do this you know! I said I'd help you, not take on the full responsibilities of the job! You're the one who came to ME remember? I can leave if you-  
  
  
"NO!" The word "leave" struck a cord in Ash and he immediately jumped up from his stationary position flinging himself at Misty's feet. "Don't leave!! Please! I'll help, I promise."   
  
  
"Oh, yea? How do I know your not just going to make me do everything again, huh? How do I know your not just going to make excuses again? "  
  
  
Ash thought this over for a moment. Which was pretty much a switch from his normal doings, seeing as how he hardly ever thought that much about what he was going to say before he actually said them to Misty. And that was probably why their arguments usually finished with him being covered in bruises in places which required more healing time then others, and Misty not speaking to him for at least a week after they'd forgotten about the argument entirely.   
  
  
After a few more moments of worthless thinking Ash came to the conclusion that he should give Misty the answer that he knew she wasn't exactly looking for, but the one that he currently had swimming around in his brain for the time being.  
  
  
"Because . . . I won't?" Ash answered while twiddling his fingers and trying to ignore her unapproving glare.   
  
  
Ash eyed Misty's mallet, and noticed that it would raise a few inches with every answer he was giving. This was really unsettling since the whole kitchen-burning incident was supposed to be one of his best attempts at fixing whatever he has screwed up doing in the first place. And he was really starting to run out of ideas to prevent Misty from making the Hospital his permanent home.   
  
  
Maybe if he just reminded her that he was really just a sad man who grew up as an only child and was never given the pure opportunity to learn the wonders that came along with helping to raise a baby.   
  
  
Seem deprived but determined, deprived but determined...Ash thought.   
  
  
"Look, the reason I'm not doing much is because I don't know what to do. I never took care of a baby before, unless you count my Pokemon, but they usually don't pee or throw up directly on me, so I don't know if that counts. Just tell me what I have to do and I'll do it." Misty's expression was unfazed. This suggestion was just a little too ...how should she put it....load of crap-ol-ish?   
  
  
To hell with remorseful, it was time to beg.   
  
  
"I promise I'll help this time! Honest! Just don't leave me alone with it!!!" Ash pleaded tears of desperation forming at the corners of is eyes.   
  
  
"Okay, I know I'm going to regret this, but fine. Just stop hovering will you! " She gave in, huffing at the pitiful form hunched on his knees. "But If you leave me doing all the dirty work again, I'm gone!"   
  
  
Ash nodded, and Misty handed him the baby before instructing him to follow her to the kitchen. Which, according to the baby, was the perfect time to spit up and Ash found another reason to add to his list of why he was NOT going to have kids anytime soon.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"Okay, an important thing to remember when it comes to taking care of babies, is to FEED it. Because if you forget to do that, Jacob's parent's will probably hammer you into the ground when you hand back to them their starved and wrinkled child."  
  
  
"Ah, got it." Ash replied before moving to his refrigerator and returning with an 8 pound slab of pork.   
  
  
Misty eyed him curiously before sighing in frustration as realization hit her that feeding a baby something twice it's size was just a normal thing from Ash's perspective.   
  
  
"Ash," She really didn't have the patience or energy to start screaming for explanations so she decided to stay calm and collective and give the guy the chance to explain himself before pummeling him into the kitchen floor. "What exactly are you planning to do with that?"  
  
  
  
Ash dumped the pork into a pot full of boiling water and turned to his perplexed friend. "Isn't it obvious? It's for the baby. I have to cook it first, after all. You don't expect the baby to eat something frozen do you?"  
  
  
Ash crossed his arms and leaned back against his kitchen counter, ego spreading over his face. "Geez, Mist. I'd figure you'd know that, being the girl and all. I'm starting to wonder who's giving the instructions 'here."   
  
  
By now a slight twitch had grown in Misty's left eye and she was squeezing the life out of a small dish towel on Ash's counter top as an attempt to contain her pent up anger.  
  
  
"Not, THAT you idiot. I'm talking about the pork. How do you expect to feed that to the baby?"   
  
  
Ash sighed and reached into the back pocket of his jeans, "Simple. I only followed what the directions said. See here, it says "Mix contents with pork."  
  
  
"What?" Misty found herself becoming more confused by the minute. She walked over to where Ash stood and snatched the piece of paper from him taking a better look at what Ash had been pointing at.  
  
  
"Mix contents with. . ." Misty read over, squinting a bit as she inspected the paper until it were inches from her face.   
  
  
  
Ash however, off to the side gloating till he was practically glowing with pride was content toward the fact that he had done something right for a change without Brock or Misty there to tell him first. Yep, Misty just could not grasp the reality that Ash quite possibly knew more about babies then she did. . . and she was the girl. . . Boy, would his Mother be proud. . .  
  
  
  
"Ash!" Misty's sudden outburst snapped Ash back to reality. "This doesn't say "Mix contents with PORK."   
  
  
"What?" But he had read it himself . . .  
  
  
"Come here." Ash headed. "See that little speck right there?"   
  
  
"Uh . . ." Ash looked to where Misty was pointing, and watched as she flicked a piece of dirt off of what he thought had been the letter 'P' revealing a very bold 'F' in it's place. After a few moments of recollecting the new information, Ash gave a very sound "Ohh. . ." and chuckled.   
  
  
"Mix contents with-  
  
  
"FORK. That's right." Misty finished before sighing in pure and utter frustration. "You know, from now on just ignore completely whatever the instructions tell you to do. I'll handle feeding it, you just um, don't do anything unless I tell you, alright?"   
  
  
Ash quirked a brow. The last time Misty had this much control, Ash and Brock were suckered into a day of back breaking bag carrying, as all of the female population in Kanto were given the opportunity to shop to their hearts content in honor of Princess Day. And most of the male population was put into overnight resuscitation. But if it was going to be a benefit for the baby, it'd be a benefit for him. Sharing the honor of being peed on and spit up on with Misty was a whole lot better then having it all laid on just him.  
  
  
So Ash nodded, as he felt like he'd been doing a whole lot of lately, and watched as Misty disposed of the half cooked meat to the trash compacter, and Pikachu and Togetec found themselves gutted with pure disappointment.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"Ash."   
  
  
"Hm?"  
  
  
"My arm hurts." Misty indicated nodding toward the six month old baby sleeping soundly against her right arm, clawing at her for comfort.   
  
  
"Then switch it." Ash replied from the other end of the couch they had been sitting on for the past half hour.   
  
  
"That's not going to make much of a difference." Misty narrowed her brows. Typical of Ash to make a task sound simpler then it actually was.   
  
  
It had taken them three bottles of baby formula, two cans of baby food, three diapers, thirty-two baby wipes and an interesting rendition of Brahms' Lullaby (special thanks to Pikachu, Bulbasaur and Totodile) to get the child to fall asleep.   
  
  
"Well, then what do you want me to do?"   
  
  
"Just hold him for a minute." Misty said carefully handing the baby to Ash, in a way that wouldn't disturb it from its slumber.   
  
  
Ash sighed heavily looking down at the little tike bundled in his arms. It was around six thirty and the day was nearly over, but something reminded him that he still had the entire night ahead of him, and he knew that within a matter of hours the baby would be up and kicking again, and Misty would have to leave. This started to scare Ash, as he thought back to earlier that day when the baby first came and he was all alone with it. The baby had managed to trash his entire apartment during one phone call with Brock. Sure it helped a little to have Misty show him what to do, but somehow it was a lot different to have her right there next to him making sure he did things right. What if the baby woke up and started crawling around while he was sleeping. What if it climbed into the trash compactor or... The possibilities began to fill Ash's brain and it started to be to much for him. He just couldn't let her go. Not ..yet anyway.   
  
  
When Misty returned she gave a great yawn and plunked down on the couch beside him and the baby, completely oblivious to all the thoughts that had arisen in her absence. Ash glanced at her and then the baby and back.   
  
  
"Misty?" Ash attempted to scratch his head with his free arm in order to hide the bead of sweat forming on the side of his face.   
  
  
"Hm?" Misty answered absentmindedly staring at the television with her chin on the arm rest. Ash swallowed a knot in his throat and continued.  
  
  
"You know how I said I wasn't that great with babies and all?"   
  
  
"Distinctly." Misty replied dully.  
  
  
"Well, I was thinking. . . or sorta hoping . . . since your already here . . ."   
  
  
Misty stared at Ash wirily, partly from exhaustion, and partly from pre-empt suspicion. Whenever Ash wanted something from her he would always take forever to get to the point.   
  
  
"Ash, what exactly are you getting at?"   
  
  
Ash gulped. "I know I already asked you for a favor, and I know you didn't even have to say yes to that one, and I know I'm sort of running out of free favors from you especially since I set your kitchen on fire that one time-  
  
  
Misty coughed slightly.   
  
  
"But I really don't want to be left alone with it all night. So, I was wondering if you could stay over and help me out. It's just for tonight. His parent's are picking him up in the morning so. . . I mean, it wouldn't be that big of a deal right? It's not like we haven't slept-  
  
  
"Wait!" Misty stopped him mid sentence. "Are you asking me to . . . sleep over?"   
  
  
"Erm. . . no. Well, I wouldn't really call it a sleep over. More like an overnight inspection."  
  
  
Misty coughed loudly this time.  
  
  
"Are you serious?"   
  
  
"I'm not asking you to sleep in the same room as me or nothing. Not that it'd matter anyway. We've done it before." Ash rubbed his nose.   
  
  
"Ash! We were like twelve!" Ash shrugged. "Besides, your constant snoring was a lot bearable then Brock's incessant murmurs of various Joys."   
  
  
"Right. And we still did it, so there shouldn't be any difference. Besides, we wouldn't be sleeping in the same room. I'll be in my room with the baby, and you'll be in the spare room in case we need you."   
  
  
Ash looked at Misty with his big brown eyes and attempted to make his best pouty face.  
  
  
"Ogh." Misty muttered. "I don't even have any spare clothes!!"   
  
  
"You can borrow some of mine." Ash replied simply.   
  
  
"Eh. Yea. Stuff that's probably been building mold in your hamper for the past three weeks."   
  
  
Ash crinkled his brow. "Very funny."   
  
  
Misty wasn't so sure about this. But to be honest, having the big spare room all to herself sounded a lot more appealing then taking on the stuffy, enclosed, practical closet of a room that her sister's dumped on her when she moved in with them. And like she said. . . It was all for the baby.   
  
  
"For the baby!" Ash said holding Jacob up, proving strong his newfound technique.   
  
  
"Alright." Ash's eyes lit up. "As long as we have an understanding that this is all for the benefit of the baby."  
  
  
"Right." Ash grinned. "Thanks Mist!!! Your the best."   
  
  
Misty sighed. "Yea, yea. I'm the best. Sure. But let's not forget, you owe me!!"   
  
  
It would be great. Nothing could go wrong with Misty there to help him and he'd probably be defined as "Best Godfather" after this. Not to mention the fact that he'd be getting a good nights sleep with Misty tending to little Jacob.   
  
  
Or, so he thought. ^_^  
  
  
End Of Part 2  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Ehhhh...I think it's obvious by now that I'm gonna make this a LITTLE more then a two-parter. I DUNNO. I'm feeling good. I'm feeling WRITE-EE. Why not.   
  
  
Thanks to the re-viewers!!   
  
  
I don't know where this is leading. . . but we'll see!  
  
  
OH WHAT SHALL THE NIGHT-ETH BRING?!   



	3. A Midsummer Nightmare

  
  
Diaper Training  
  
  
  
  
Author: LittleTrixta  
  
  
  
  
Author: Here doth lay part three...ith. Sorry. Been reading "A Midsummer Night's Dream" and I'm just filled with Shakespheare-ian jargon... Not very GOOD Shakespheare-ian jargon...but HEY. We DEAL. Come to think of it, it's also probably the reason for this chapter's title. Let's just hope I don't have Ash and co. extending their grammer throughout this one.. EEK.   
  
  
O .O  
  
  
Moving on...   
  
  
  
May this console thus to extend pleasant thoughts....in the form of comments...and such. *wink* wink*   
  
  
(Hopes that somehow came off as she intended...)   
  
  
  
^_^  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Diaper Training: Part Three - "A Midsummer Nightmare"  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
What was it? Really.   
  
  
  
That's all she wanted to know.   
  
  
  
She just needed some simple reasoning..  
  
  
  
What exactly had she done. . .  
  
  
  
  
. . .To deserve this.   
  
  
  
Misty blew another huff of pent up frustration into her pillow. The same pillow that was currently being jammed into her face as an attempt to shut away the awakening sounds of Ash's snores, Jacob's cries, plus the whoops of victory from the laundry room. Just exactly what kind of trainer allows his Pokemon to have Friday night poker games anyway...   
  
  
  
But somehow in the pocket of Misty's eardrums she got the slight notion that Ash probably wasn't even aware of his Pokemon's nightly habits being too busy running his own orchastra in his sleep.   
  
  
  
However, she half expected this to happen, having made a personal relationship with Ash's snores over the years, and knowing very well how much responsibility a baby was after being told countlessly by a wide eyed and insistant Brock throughout Ash and Misty's early teen years. But, it seemed as though everytime she was suckered into helping out, she just ended up getting the rough ends of the rope.   
  
  
_  
I am just too nice for my own good... _Misty thought while rubbing her eye.   
  
  
  
Soon Jacobs cries had grown to a climactic rate and she was no longer left with the option of hoping Jacob would settle down or waiting for Ash to wake his lazy butt up and do something about it. So she'd decided to check in on him to see if he was alright. Misty threw the sheets aside and flung her legs over the edge of the bed. She shuttered momentarily as the night air stuck to what Ash's extra oversized t-shirt wasn't covering. Which, by the way, took nearly the jaws of life to convince Misty to wear.   
  
  
  
Sitting up, she leaned over to reach for her hair tie on the nightstand and lazily gathered her hair into a lose bundle. As she walked towards the end of the hall Ash's snores grew louder, so she knew she was headed in the right direction.   
  
  
  
Misty poked her head through the door of Ash's room and frowned as she noted a thundering yet unconcious Ash sleeping beside the baby. The poor child was crying fury and Ash was too caught up in his snoring to even notice, much less hear what was going on right next to him. The baby was bundled up in a cacoon of blankets with a pillow surrounding it's every corner. Somehow Misty knew that this was the result of Ash's long time assumption that building a fort around something was the only way to keep it in, or in this case, keep it from rolling off your bed.  
  
  
  
Misty sighed and moved over to the bed. She reached down spooning the baby up with her arms and began dancing around while at the same time attempting to lull it back to sleep with her shushing.   
  
  
  
"Ugh. It's not working." Misty grumbled to herself. She then caught a glimpse of the baby bottle on the nightstand.  
  
  
  
"You want you're bottle? Is that it?" Misty offered the baby his bottle, but he only refused. So she looked around for some inspiration.  
  
  
  
Then an idea struck her.   
  
  
  
"Maybe if I sing, hm? Let's see. . ."_  
  
  
  
Uh.. Out here in the . . ._well. . . _ not so quiet of the night...   
  
  
  
_Misty shot a glare at Ash's rumbling form._  
  
  
  
Beneath the . . ._um_. . .ceiling . . . _in. . ._ Ash's room. .  
  
  
  
_The baby wasn't buying it, and soon his cries grew louder.   
  
  
  
"Geez. . . If only Ash would just shutup for a minute so I can think!"   
  
  
  
Misty looked down at Ash and suddenly felt a new found hatred for the young man sprawled out over the bed in a Pikachu t-shirt and checkered boxers. He had promised her he'd help this time. And what was he doing? Nothing. That is, besides letting a pool of drool run down his cheek._ Idiot._   
  
  
  
Misty's eyes focused on one of the pillows stacked up besides Ash. And in the midst of feeling strangely compelled to do something with it, Misty quickly grabbed the pillow and smacked it against Ash's face . This brought a resounding "OW." from Ash, followed by a "Hey!" and a laugh from the baby.   
  
  
  
"Hey! You liked that did you? Here, I'll do it again." And she did.   
  
  
  
And the baby laughed.   
  
  
  
And Ash said "Ow!" . . . and so on until Ash had had enough.   
  
  
  
"Hey! Stop that already!" Ash demanded grabbing hold of the pillow. "What're you doing anyway? Trying to kill me in my sleep?"   
  
  
  
"I'm getting the baby to stop crying. And it's working, so will you please just go back to sleep, so I can keep hitting you until the baby does the same?" Ash's expression fell flat.  
  
  
  
"How exactly do you expect someone to fall alseep when someone is whacking their face in with a pillow!"   
  
  
  
"Well, that's not my problem. My main concern is to try and get this baby to go to sleep. And you're not helping so this is just the price you'll have to pay unless you can think of a better idea." Misty answered.  
  
  
  
"Hm. Did it pee or something?" Misty felt below his diaper.  
  
  
  
"No."  
  
  
  
"Did you try feeding it?"   
  
  
  
"Yes? But, it wasn't that either."   
  
  
  
"Have you, I dunno, tried singing to it?" Ash scratched his head. Misty nodded.  
  
  
  
"Yes, Ash. And that didn't work either. The only thing the baby seems to like is when I do this." Misty brought the pillow down on Ash's head. And the baby went into a fit of tiny giggles.   
  
  
  
"See." Misty assured.  
  
  
  
"Aw. . . I can't believe it." Ash groaned. "Well, you can't just keep hitting me all night."  
  
  
  
"Well, I dunno . . ." Misty smiled. "It's a whole lot better then me staying awake any longer listening to you snore."  
  
  
  
"Ya, ya. And I don't snore."   
  
  
  
"Okay, then. It's either that or the invisible train station in you're backyard." Misty smirked and sat down on the bed beside Ash.  
  
  
  
"Look, um, let me have a try." Ash reached over and awkwardly gathered the baby up in his arms. After a few minutes of holding him, Ash was suprised to see that Jacob's cries had dissolved.   
  
  
  
"Hey. Would ya look at that? The kid likes me, afterall." Ash turned and gave a proud grin to Misty.   
  
  
  
"Hm. He's probably just wiped out with all that laughing." Misty replied with her hands tucked in between her lap.   
  
  
  
Everything suddenly became very quiet and there was a wierd natural vibe that spread out through the room. As Misty sat near Ash watching him watch the baby, she wasn't sure if it was a very maternal feeling that was washing over her, or the after affect of being awake all night. To be honest, she had always felt pretty maternal and gooshy for cute, squishy things, but this wasn't a stuffed animal and it wasn't a pokemon. Heck, Ash had to admit himself that being around this baby was starting to make him feel very wierd. Come to think of it this wierd feeling that he was getting was also kind of a wet moist feeling, too.   
  
  
  
Ash quickly looked down and pulled one of his arms out from under the baby to see that there was a very shiny liquid something on him.   
  
  
  
"Aww, man! It peed on me! The thing peed on me!" Ash's sudden outburst was enough to upset the baby and push him into another fit of tears.   
  
  
  
Misty quickly took hold of the baby by the sides and left to get the diapers while Ash dashed to the bathroom to clean up the 'substance' off his arm.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
By morning Ash and Misty had somehow ended up knocked out on opposite ends of the couch with Jacob tucked under Misty's arm. It had been a very long night and sometime around three that morning Jacob had found satisfaction in the form of a bottle of warm milk and Ash and Misty were out in the three minutes that followed.   
  
  
  
*Ring *Ring  
  
  
  
Ash shot up and knocked over the phone sitting on the stand beside the couch. This loud reaction woke up the baby who woke up Misty.   
  
  
  
"Pick it up, Ash." Misty urged on while trying to shush the baby.   
  
  
  
Ash reached for the phone.   
  
  
  
"Uh. Hello?" Ash asked while trying to rub the sleep out of his eye.   
  
  
  
"Hello? Ash? It's Diana. We have some bad news. Pete and I won't be home until Monday morning. You see, the convention center has decided to switch the semenar to Sunday, and we can't get a flight out until Monday morning, so I'm afraid Jacob will have to -"  
  
  
  
"Stay all weekend. . ." Ash finished, a sulky expression spreading across his face.   
  
  
  
"Ya. I'm so sorry. Will it be trouble?" Ash turned and looked toward the kitchen where Misty was attempting to spoon feed Jacob and end up getting a wad of carrots and pees stuck on her face.   
  
  
  
"Er. Noo . . ."  
  
  
  
"Oh, good! I'm just worried that we haven't left enough food and diapers for you."  
  
  
  
  
"That's okay. I guess we could stop by the store and pick up something."   
  
  
  
  
"We? Oh, is your girlfriend there too?"   
  
  
  
  
Ash coughed. "Uh, girlfriend? Oh, no. no. Just Misty."   
  
  
  
  
"Oh, well tell your girlfriend that we're really thankful she's come to help." Ash twitched.   
  
  
  
"I have to go now Ash. Thank you so much! We'll see you monday." Ash hung up the phone and sighed heavily. How was he going to break this to Misty?   
  
  
  
"The entire weekend. . ." Ash breathed to himself.  
  
  
  
"Who was it?" Ash jumped at Misty's voice echoed from the kitchen opening.   
  
  
  
"Well, uh. You see, that was Jacob's mom calling to say that . . ."   
  
  
  
"That?" Misty continued.   
  
  
  
Ash swallowed a lump in his throat. "That...WehavetowatchJacobfortherestoftheweekend."   
  
  
  
"What!" Misty yelled. "No way!"   
  
  
  
"Why noooot?"   
  
  
  
"You know I have to watch the gym on weekends!"   
  
  
  
"Then we'll just uh. . . come with you! We can cheer you on the side lines."  
  
  
  
Misty's eyes narrowed. "You want to bring a baby into the gym? Are you serious? Daisy would kill me. It'll disrupt the battles."   
  
  
  
"No, it won't. Come on, you can't just leave me! I'm not ready to be alone with it again!"   
  
  
  
"Ash, this is crazy! A baby! In the gym for cripes sakes. What'll people think?"   
  
  
  
"Who cares what people think. It's a baby. Everyone likes babies. Besides, like you said, you watch the gym on weekends. So, your sisters probably won't even be there. Didn't you say yourself that weekends are pretty slow? No ones probably even going to come in today. Come on Misty? PLEAAASE? Ya, gotta let us come."   
  
  
  
"Oh, alright! But one outburst- "  
  
  
  
"I'll take care of it. Don't worry. He's been up all night anyway, he'll probably just sleep the whole time."   
  
  
  
Misty smirked. "I meant _you_. I know how you get when you watch battles."   
  
  
  
"Hey, just trying to encourage my peers."   
  
  
  
"_Sure_. Just tone it down a notch, huh. Your gonna scare the trainers."   
  
  
  
"Okay, okay. But we gotta stop by the store first. The little guy needs to stock up on supplies."   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"Carrots... Pees... Custard... And I always thought babies had it good. Everything that sounds good is either mushed or proccessed. And the other stuff is just grose in itself." Ash said scanning the babyfood isle and throwing a few cans of pees and carrots into the basket.   
  
  
  
"Well, you should be happy your not a baby. Although, when I think about it..."   
  
  
  
"Ha ha." Ash sarcastically commented.  
  
  
  
"Uh. Less of the pees, huh. I'm getting sick of the bleeched green stains on all my shirts."  
  
  
  
Misty cringed.   
  
  
  
As soon as Ash and Misty had all they needed to get they stepped up to the counter.   
  
  
  
"So! How's it feel bein' a pappy to such a cute little youngin'?" The old man at the counter asked eyeing Ash before grinning dryly at the baby  
  
  
  
"Who, me? A pappy?"Ash pointed to himself questionably before looking toward the baby.   
  
  
  
"Oh! You got it all wrong sir. He aint mines."   
  
  
  
The old man looked at Misty before staring Ash down dissaprovingly. "Oh. One'er those fellers are ya?"   
  
  
  
Ash thought for a moment before he found meaning to the old man's words. However the old man proceeded to hold up line six as he continued to badger at Ash's dignity.   
  
  
  
"So, can't face up to yer duty can ya? Not a man's man are ya? Well, we don't need creetons like you givin' us honorable men a bad name. " The old man turned to Misty. "Ya, poor little lady. Don' cha worry. I'm sure you'll find yerself a nice young man who will admit what's his!"   
  
  
  
By now three women following in line were joining in to protest Ash's "wrongdoing".   
  
  
  
Ash looked at Misty who was currently trying to hold up her own before throwing his hands up in defense. "What? No! You don't understand. He doesn't belong to her either."   
  
  
  
"Hm. Not either of yours ya say? Well, well. What has this world come to."   
  
  
  
Ash sighed. "Look sir. If you don't mind, we'd like to pay for our diapers and forever erase these past few minutes from our memory."   
  
  
  
"Alright-ee then." The man said swiping the price tag across the counter as Ash and Misty avoided the uncomfortable stairs erupting from the back of the line.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Ten minutes into the gym and Ash was already right about things being slow. Misty was tending to some Pokemon at the end of the gym and Ash was sitting on the sidelines next to a sleeping Jacob, bored out of his mind, and tempted to try out that custard.   
  
  
  
However a few minutes later, the doors to the gym opened and Ash was suprised when he saw a little boy and a young man not much older then Ash walk in. However it wasn't the little boy that suprised Ash. It was the brown spikey haired man standing next to him. The funny thing was that he looked an awful lot like -  
  
  
  
"Gary?"   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
::Yawn:: Ya. I know, week and outplayed cliffhanger. But I needed a finish. I hath not had breakfast and I was in a writting mood. Therefore wrote I did. Well, I managed to make the poor baby hang out a little longer with Ash and Misty. And now Gary is in the picture, so we'll see what he has to say about that.   
  
  
  
THANK YEE FOR READING. HAVE-ITH A GOOD DAY. (-.-)  
  
  
  
Trix  
  
  
  
  



End file.
